The Art of Grumpy Gratitude
Joy and pain can exist together.
Name one thing in your life you are grateful for. You now have a gratitude practice. This simple positive psychology trick is backed by an astounding amount of research. It has been linked to improvements in physical health, sleep quality and stress resilience, and is shown to significantly boost compassion, connectedness, contentment, happiness, and life satisfaction.
Practicing gratitude simply involves tuning in to that which you feel thankful for. However, this may not be an appealing prospect if you are annoyed, irritated or stressed out. Can the grumpiest of folk still benefit from a gratitude practice? Absolutely. All it takes is a little creativity.
Replace ‘Should’ with ‘Could’
Imagine you are stressed at work. Tearful and exhausted you reach out to a friend and they hit you with you should feel grateful to have a job. Their response may feel dismissive and even hurtful. The same applies when you talk to yourself this way.
Do not try to force gratitude by telling yourself you should feel grateful. Instead, ask yourself, “if I was feeling grateful right now, what would I feel grateful for”. Listing the things you could feel grateful for gently shifts your mindset without putting pressure on yourself to feel happy, and, more importantly, without shaming yourself for your lack of positivity.
Embrace Conflicting Feelings
Gratitude does not have to replace challenging feelings. Let yourself have both.
The importance of “both/and” thinking is a useful tool for dealing with emotionally complex events such a living through a pandemic. You can practice it by simply acknowledging you feel two different things at the same time.
For example, you might say “I feel fed up after a stressful day and I feel thankful to have a nice home to come back to.” Or “I miss my ex-partner and I am glad to have supportive friends”. You will find it possible to feel both things without invalidating either.
Go for Awe Walks
A recent study found that when people deliberately shifted their attention to their surroundings when walking in nature, they experienced an increased sense of awe compared to a control group who walked without being instructed to do so mindfully.
Members of the ‘awe’ group reported a child-like sense of wonder and appreciation for the inspiring beauty of the world around them. The experience of awe is humbling and empowering as it allows one to shift focus from anxiety and rumination to something more profound. It also creates a sense of belonging to something bigger than oneself. The ‘awe’ group in this study also experienced a boost in compassion and gratitude.
Tune into your surroundings in nature using each of your senses. Examine the shape of the branches on the trees and inspect the colour of the leaves. Breath in the scent of flowers and feel the fresh air on your face. Close your eyes and listen to the birds and the sound of the wind.
You do not have to let awe get in the way of grumpiness either. Stamp your feet in the mud. Scream into the winter sun. Let tears roll down your face as you absorb the beauty of the landscape.
Appreciate Tiny Random Things
You can cultivate a sense of awe for pretty much anything. Pick up the nearest object. Think about everything that made it possible for it to end up in your hand. You might look at a pen and consider the origin of the plastic and ink. You might ponder the hard workers in the factory that produced it, the delivery driver who transported it to the shop and the shopkeeper who sold it to you. You might then reflect on the usefulness of pens, and their importance in your daily life.
Perhaps you consider what makes it possible for you to use the pen. You might take in your healthy hands with all ten fingers, or think about how your parents taught you to write. You might even muse on the evolution of writing, and marvel at the different ways people communicate through written words and drawings.
You can do this with any object however mundane. Think about how useful doors are for example. Or shoes. Or tables. You do not need to be explicitly grateful for these as this practice naturally shifts your attention and focus.
Pause in Everyday Activities
You likely engage in many daily activities that you could be grateful for such as drinking a cold glass of clean water, taking a hot shower, or snuggling into a comfortable bed. Pause now and again when engaging in activities that are pleasing, comforting or relaxing. Rather than telling yourself you should feel grateful for these simply focus on your bodily sensations and be present in the experience of doing them.
Embrace the Joy of Grumbling
We often try to crush vulnerable feelings, and yet if we push them away they tend to hover in the background. Acknowledge challenging feelings gently and remind yourself they are understandable and natural. For example, you might say to yourself “I feel down after a long day and that makes sense because a lot is going on right now”.
You can even celebrate these feelings. Cry, rant at a friend or scream into a pillow. Truly welcoming all your emotions can reduce internal conflict and create space for genuine joy, awe and gratitude.
Takeaway
A gratitude practice has proven benefits for wellbeing, and fortunately feeling thankful does not invalidate other more challenging emotions. Consider what you could feel grateful for as you gently acknowledge that your pain also makes sense.
Tune into your surroundings when in nature, and engage in enjoyable everyday tasks mindfully to gently shift focus in your brain. You do not have to relinquish grouchiness to benefit from a gratitude practice, yet you might find some of it naturally seeps away.
